goodbyes suck.

It has been a rough couple of days.  I don’t know why, but saying goodbye this year feels so much different than it did last year.  My heart is much more heavy.  Yesterday and today, some goodbyes just seemed so final.  & it makes me so sad.  & even the goodbyes that are just for a couple months have broken my heart.  I haven’t had the easiest 9 months of a school year & my friends have played a huge role in getting me through it.  I know this sounds so melodramatic & obviously we will still be in communication, but I’m still sad.  I honestly think this all had something to do with the fact that I can’t find the motivation to finish my final paper for Entrepreneurship, or pack up my room.  I don’t want this year to end.  I feel like if I just don’t pack, it will keep going.

As I was thinking about this, I was trying to think of how I felt last year at this time. I remember being super excited to get home & be with my family [& don’t get me wrong, I still am.  God created me as a family-oriented woman, & I cherish that trait.  & I am SOOOO EXCITED to be home & to see them everyday!] & I remember being sad saying goodbye to the graduating seniors, but I do not remember being so upset about saying goodbye to the people that I knew that I would see again in a few months.  I had the security of a relationship, & I had a few solid friendships.  I was completely content & the summer didn’t scare me.  Boy is that different this year!  Once again,the Lord has taken me into his hands & molded me into a new creation within months.  I find myself with friendships that I never expected & maybe never though I wanted. [Boy was I wrong!] Some things that I was so sure of and so secure in have been stripped of me.  & I feel free without them.  Free to pursue the Lord above anything or anyone else.  Free to enjoy the company of other people, or to dive into other passions in my life.  I have learned to take more joy in the people God has placed around me & to make everything I do a ministry.  & whenever I start to miss those things I used to cherish so much, I feel the Lord take it right off my heart & comfort me by reminding me of His promises He has made.

sorrow

fear

anxiety

overwhelmed

I would definitely say that these words describe some of what I’m feeling.

excitement

secure

loved

cherished

peace

treasured

joyful

thankful

Somehow I feel all of these things too.  When I think about how good God is & what an awesome summer He has planned for me and my friends, all of these wonderful feelings flood into my heart, & the Lord reminds me to be content with where He has me right now.  & get ready for the adventure He has in store!

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