Okay, well it’s been a good amount of time since I have last blogged. So…I guess I will just explain the title of the blog, one word at a time.
Dishelveled: In two days, I will begin my last semester of my undergrad education. Knowing this, my stay at home these past few weeks have been pretty emotional and though provoking. I’ve just been trying to process the fact that for 4 years, my life has mainly been in East Lansing, on the beautiful banks of the Red Cedar. But in five, what I’m guessing will seem, short months I will be moving back to my familiar home with my mom & dad, in my familiar hometown, and starting a familiar full time job that I have been at for almost 7 years. Yet I am in a panic. I feel like nothing is how I left it 4 years ago & more importantly, I am not the person who left it 4 years ago. My friends are from East Lansing. My Christ-centered community is in East Lansing. My encouragement, my accountability, my social life. I feel like I am moving back to my hometown, only to find myself needing to build a whole new life. Luckily, I have my main players cast already. I know that my family is one of the most loving families ever made by the good Lord. & my job is such a blessing that brings me so much joy every day. I know this will be okay, & God will provide a community that spurs me on towards Him. I guess my concern is that I just feel kind of out of place right now. I’m going to go back to East Lansing, which has been my home, but I will know in the back of my mind that it is not home anymore. There is less motivation to continue investing there when I know I am just going to leave. On the other hand, I’m not physically in Woodhaven so I can’t really invest here either. I know that I need to just be content with where I am at. I don’t want to miss an opportunity God places in front of me because I am stressed out about this change in 5 months. But that is easier said than done. Say a prayer for me? Thanks.
Disappointment: I have been really disappointed with myself the past couple of weeks for losing sight of a few things. I think that in the routine of things, I lost sight of the purpose of The One Dress Project. As I put the dress on every morning, it has been easy for my thought process to be more like, “this is the dress that i wear every day” rather than remembering the daughters & praying for them, or praising the Lord for letting me be a part of something like this. In addition, I have also lost sight of how thankful I should be that I am a student at Michigan State University. Instead, I’m resentful towards classes and contemplate just scraping by to pass. That’s not being a good steward, Dana!
Disbelief: Sooooo many reasons behind this word. I will list a few. How quickly time goes by. How much grace God pours down on me. How unworthy of that grace I truly am. How it doesn’t matter to Him. How in 5 months I will no longer identify as a student. How the Lions are in the playoffs. How I have worn the same dress for 110 days. How much I love my family. How much they love me. How undeserving I am for friendships. How every time I want to give up on humanity, the people in my life remind me that there is loving kindness. How much I miss Detroit. How much I have come to love the Daughters. How much prayer has changed my relationship with the Lord. How much I still have to grow.
mmmm. Life is good. Im going to go keep living it. In the meantime, here are some pictures.
These are Kinsey and Gina. They are my little baby girls from my first year mentoring. I love them a whole lot. They are amazing friends.