Tonight I was sitting at home, budgeting and trying to decide what to paint next in my house, and I got a text from my fella asking me about The One Dress Project because he was talking about it with someone. Instead of typing out the big long description, I sent him a link to this page, and figured that would be enough. I couldn’t help but be surprised when he texted me back that he didn’t know I had a blog about it. But now, as I sit here thinking about the grey dress that was such a big part of my senior year of college, and the women and children that were the reason behind it all, I got so upset with myself. I tried to tell myself “it’s okay, you still pray for them often.” But then I couldn’t help but ask, do I pray because I’m genuinely still caring for these children of God, or out of habit? I don’t talk about it nearly as much as I used to. & don’t they say that what you talk about the most is what has truly captured your heart?
And now, I’m even more sad. Because when I tried to figure out what I have been talking about lately, I basically seem reallllly superficial. Recently, my life has been consumed with making the most perfect home and making money to provide for that home. If I haven’t been talking about paint, or furniture, I’ve been talking about meal planning or my move in date. But some day, I’m going to move away from that home. I’m going to move on to a different one. Or (not to be morbid, but) I’m going to die and leave it behind. My money will also go away someday. And all of this brought me back to the sermon that my pastor gave a couple weeks ago. It was a powerful sermon that kind of landed on this scripture:
“…What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes?” [James 4:14]
There is so much about me and my life that is temporary. Things such as my health, my finances, my home – those are all things that I absolutely want to put time and thought into. Those are good things to think about and be responsible with. But they are temporary. But eternal things? People’s souls. God’s Kingdom. You know, the things that I’ve been putting just about no focus on?
It’s time for a prayerful refocus. Time to get my head back in the eternal game. Time to get the focus off of myself, and onto the Lord and his people. Time to be better. Lawwwwwwwd, help me.