My Most Common Prayer

Sometimes, it’s hard to believe.  When you’ve been removed from a strong community and you are feeling like you are on your own in this whole walking with the Lord thing, I just feel like day after day I stand questioning everything.  I don’t think questions are bad, though.  I think you take the good with the bad.  But at the end of every day, I find myself laying in bed, and praying these lyrics over and over again.  This song sings the loudest cries of my heart right now.

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game time.

For by him all things were created; things in heaven & on earth, visible & invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; ALL THINGS WERE CREATED BY HIM & FOR HIM. [Colossians 1:16]

It’s time to get real.  I am not just a body that walks around going through the motions of life.  This body houses a soul & a Spirit.  Neither of which were created to glorify myself, but to Glorify God.  & I need this body to be healthy. It would be a shame if some day God calls me to do something that would bring Him glory, & I’m not healthy enough to do it.

Today I started a program called Bod4God.  I have tried Bod4God once before.  & honestly, I did it halfheartedly & with the wrong motivations.  This time, however, I really think the only thing that is going to get me through it will be a lot of prayer & strength from the Lord.  Looking at my track record of failed diets & lack of motivation, I am certainly not going to be the one that accomplishes anything as far as getting healthy.  To clarify right at the start, my main focus will not be my weight in pounds.  In my past, concentrating on a number has only brought frustration & feelings of inadequacy.  Instead, my goal is to focus on health.  Better energy levels, more fit…just more healthy.

Now, I really contemplated whether I was going to blog about Bod4God.  For one thing, it’s pretty personal.  & although I enjoy blogging, I don’t think that it’s a place to put your entire life.  Secondly, if I don’t succeed, people could see me as an idiot. ” I could be seen as weak in someone else’s eyes.  I would be so embarassed if I couldn’t follow through. ” That’s definitely a thought that has raced through my head more than once.  However, God spoke truth to me in that & reminded me that my worth does not come from the judgement of men.  If someone on earth sees me as weak, that should not affect me because the truth is that I have an amazing strength in the Lord.  If someone sees me as a failure, I will not be phased because when God looks at me, He sees me as a broken but beautiful daughter of His, worth the life of His son.

So, obviously, I decided to blog about my Bod4God journey.  I had 2 hopes in deciding to do this.  #1: Accountability.  I know that I have some amazing friends that read my blog that will be involved in this journey with me.  I know that they will be supportive & send me encouragement, & blogging will be a great way to communicate about this process with them.  #2. Encouragement to others.  As crazy as it sounds, I know that I am not the only unhealthy person in this world.   & when I pray about this process I am about to begin, I have also prayed that God will use it to encourage someone that needs encouragement.  To give them motivation.  To give them a friend.  To help them figure out where He stands in all of this health stuff.

Here we go….

contentment

Real talk, right now I am so happy that I have the Lord. To be able to talk to Him, to learn the things He wants me to know, to please Him with my life. It is an amazing thing. I don’t deserve it. & sometimes I don’t understand it. But He pours down an unconditional love onto me anyway. Mmm, so good!

a monumental day.

Yesterday was a day that will go down in history.  In fact, it’s past midnight, & it was just a little more than an hour ago when President Obama addressed the nation confirming that Osama Bin Laden had been killed by a secret-op mission.  Of course, I was delighted at the news!  My first instinct was to tap into my bank of never-ending sarcasm to make some sort of joke out of the death of this man.

But then, I found myself wondering “Where is God in all of this? What kind of reaction to this situation will be one that pleases Him?”  In the depths of my heart, I think I know where God stands.  Jesus taught his disciples to love their enemies.  Now, of course I’m not saying that if Bin Laden was still alive I would go to the mall with him & cuddle up to watch a movie.  However, hate is a deep dark feeling, that I am not entitled to have for this man, or anyone, for that matter. Rather, I am called to be saddened that this man lived his life not knowing Christ.  & because He didn’t, He couldn’t live the life that he was actually created to live.  He did evil things because he served an evil master & knew nothing else but evil.

I am fully aware that many people will probably read this entry & say to themselves “What an anti-patriotic idiot!”  You might even question if I loved all those people that Bin Laden killed & hurt in the September 11th attacks.  & the answer to that is of course I love those people!  My heart is broken for them & for their families.  & I’m not going to make the bold claim that I’m void of any negative feelings towards this man who’s life ended today.  I am bitter towards him, & I definitely wouldn’t consider him to ever be a potential homeboy.  But as I sit here, I have to ask myself, “Are you going to conform to the world today, or are you going to finally step up as the Woman of God you were meant to be?”  What’s my next move?

the end…of the semester.

If we are going to be real right now, I am really frustrated with studying.  I feel like it’s all I’ve done for the past 3 weeks & I’m ready to be done.   All I want to do is read my Bible.  After Friday, I won’t be responsible for reading any other books!  I can finally sit down and read for however long I want.  I won’t have to worry about being a good steward & making studying a priority.  I have almost 4 months to fully focus all of my attention on the Lord.  Ahhh, I can’t wait.

As I think about summer, I get really excited.  I am spending my summer at home.  & I have never felt more confident that this is precisely what the Lord was calling me to do.  I know that at first I was feeling like I wasn’t doing the right thing because I wasn’t going on a Summer Project, but if we are going to be honest, that was completely out of my tendency to people please.  But as I get closer to the summer, & more of my plans become finalized, I AM SO STOKED!  I will be using my God-given passion for business & family to work at my family’s business this summer.  I will be serving in Detroit, some way or the other.  & I will be getting involved in my new church!  More importantly than all that, I will really be spending a lot of time pursuing the Lord.

My only anxiety for the summer is not knowing if I have for sure landed the internship with the church that I hope to work with in Detroit.  It is something I really desire.  However, I feel like the Lord has calmed me over the past couple of weeks by showing me that even if I don’t get the internship, there are ways I can be in ministry in Detroit.  We will see how it goes….=].

Gahhh!  7 more days until I move home!  I’m trying to remain content with where I am right now but gee golly is it difficult right now!

Stand By Me.

What a year.  I cannot believe that my Junior year is quickly coming to an end.  As I look back on the past 9 months, I really wonder what the heck happened?  My year was chaos.

Fall semester was a combination of sorrow & joy, confusion & clarity, being overwhelmed, & then relieved, feeling weak but then empowered.  & spring semester was a crazy transition for me.  One that brought along loneliness, anxiety, stress, and fear.  But I was not alone.  The women in my life came alongside me, & helped me carry my burdens.  I honestly feel like I will never be able to repay these girls for the comfort, truth, and love they have shown me throughout the school year.  The thing that I cherished the most was the fact that I was constantly pointed back towards Christ.

If you are reading this & you are one of my brothers & sisters in Christ please know this:  I thank the Lord for you being in my life each & every day.  & as we get ready to go our separate ways for the summer, my prayer for you is that above all other things on your schedule for this summer, that you are running after the Lord.  Let’s do this together.  Let’s truly drop all our boundaries that we place in God’s way, & truly let Him grow us over the next few months.

Silly girl.

Yesterday was a rainy day.  On my walk home from class I was praying & then I legitimately started praying against the evils of the crosswalk lines causing anyone on campus any harm today as they walk to their classes.  After I wrapped up my prayer, I started thinking about how much God must laugh at me sometimes.   But, I know that He has a sense of humor.  If He didn’t, I wouldn’t have one, because I was made in His likeness.  It’s really cool to think about the fact that as awkward as this world sees me, my Heavenly Father just looks down at me with a smile on his face & says “That’s my girl.  My silly, silly girl.”