When opening up to where I left off in When God Writes Your Love Story, I discovered that my next chapter was on singleness. How fitting. As I read, I realized, I didn’t think I really found my identity in my relationship when I was in it. I think I was pretty good at putting the fact that I was a daughter of Christ first. However, now that I am single, I am definitely letting that define myself. Today, I found myself believing the lie that I can’t accomplish the big plans God has for me if I don’t have a spouse. One of my biggest dreams in life, one I consider a God-sized dream, was the most heart breaking to think about. I kept dwelling on the fact that fostering & adopting children is a huge task & is just not feasible for a single woman, even if I do have a steady job. & that may be very true. Time, however, plays a huge role in this. I won’t be able to pursue that dream until much later in life, & who knows, maybe by then I will have a spouse to join me on this amazing journey. I don’t know what is going to happen.
Here is what I do know. I am alive today. I am a Daughter of the King. I am only 20 years old. I happen to be single. God willing, I have a lot of life left in me. I have big dreams. & I am capable. I have nothing holding me back from serving the Lord with every fiber of my being. & God is giving me a much more clear picture of what that might look like for me.
If God is preparing you to make an impact on this world for His kingdom, chances are He will take you through a season of solitude. This is a season when you learn that you can’t lean upon anyone but him for your confidence & when you gain the strength to stand alone even when no one else stands with you. [Leslie Ludy, When God Writes Your Love Story]
This passage in the book really impacted me. It just got me really pumped up actually. I have the power in me to do some big things. & there is no need to put them off until I’m married. Shoot, there is no need to put them off until I graduate. I should get started now! Forget this apathetic attitude. I’m over it! Time to let go & let God. & I am so excited to see what kind of crazy adventures He will be taking me on.
Yesterday was a very difficult day. It was a day of too much thought, clutter, & tasks. & not enough time, or joy. It all finally crashed down on me when I was sitting at Hope-A-Palooza. There I was, listening to people’s personal stories of hope, listening to songs of God’s love and the hope there is in that, & then listening to a powerful message being preached by a completely gifted man, & I just wanted to leave, crawl into a hole, & cry. Once I realized that giving into my temptation of assuming fetal position in the aisle of the lecture hall was not a valid option, I found that the only option I did have was to pray. But to be honest, I wasn’t in the mood to pray. I guess I didn’t really trust that it would be heard or that it would be answered…I don’t know what my problem was. I could only think of a short prayer. ”God, I haven’t laughed all day. Please just give me something to have a good laugh about.” Boy did He deliver! I met up with some friends for a game night. After catching up for a while we settled on playing the game Quelf. My character was Queen Spatula (on the left in the picture above.) Of course, I fittingly renamed her Sand Princess. As we played the game without a board & made up the rules as we went, God gave me plenty of opportunities to laugh. & then laugh more. & then that laughter turned into joy. & that joy was from a true appreciation for the people that have been placed in my life. I finally understood the theme of the whole Hope outreach this week. Maybe I didn’t see it at first because I’m not placing my hope in “bad things” like drinking, drugs, sexual relationships, etc. So I didn’t think that I truly had anything to learn this week.b But that doesn’t mean my Hope is in the right place. If I go through my day with my hope in my classes, my family, my friendships, or my relationship, I’m going to be having a lot more of those moments where I want to curl into the fetal position. Tonight, however, I chose to place my hope in the Lord, even though it was by being obedient and saying the most simple prayer I think I’ve ever prayed, in that God reminded me that my prayers are heard – they will be answered. & He is the right place to put my hope.